This morning I found myself arranging blocks into towers while the baby I nanny repeatedly knocked them over. It was almost as peaceful as watching the waves roll in and out on vacation last week. It’s very refreshing to create and if you’re a toddler it’s very refreshing to destroy. It’s a perfect arrangement, really. Ah, babes.
My family and my husband and I have been through a lot this year. Between my wedding and my Mom passing away from cancer shortly afterwards, every day feels like uncharted territory, both emotionally and mentally. So much has changed, and at the same time each leafy tree fades into brilliant color. It’s not as simple as that, but it’s not yet time for me to write about all of it. Perhaps as the holidays arrive, and we greet 2016 I’ll shake my head at the complexities of 2015. One of the changes is that my sister has started running, something she has vehemently hated since she was a competitive swimmer for 10 years and anytime the coach made them run it was a literal “fish out of water” experience. I’ve started blogging (whaaaaat? No way!) something I’ve always said I would do but got buried under school or work load and abandoned. I usually sneak in writing blog posts when kiddo is napping.
My husband has become OBSESSED with disc golf which requires the patience and technique of golf combined with the whimsical and fast paced skills required of a frisbee disc. The obsession is also fueled by the fact that Cornwall disc golf course is within walking distance with holes reminiscent of scenes from Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. “I call this one council of Elrond!” “Whomping Willow!” It should be noted I’m the only one who names disc golf holes after fantasy books/movies. ok, maybe I’ve become a little obsessed too.
My Dad has been really motivated to complete home improvement projects. Which now that I think about it, isn’t a change at all since most of my Saturday afternoons during my childhood were my Dad bribing me with a milkshake or hamburger to join him in going to the hardware store. My last visit home he bought new leather couches with built in recliners.
Anyways, for all of you out there staring at dead leaves and sniffing cinnamon flavored things, know that it’s ok to soak up the season. For all of you suddenly embracing a new hobby as a coping mechanism, that’s alright too. Although grief can make you slow down on certain days, sometimes it’s the fire under your pants that makes you go outside and try something different. A new distraction is not going to save you or make you happy. Small things like pieces of paper with scripture scribbled on them and kind words from people you love and long prayer walks are better suited for that purpose.
One of my mentors in college, Julie, had lost her husband many years before and told me that she stuffed notecards with Bible verses in her pockets and pulled them out when she needed too. It was also her solution to being a Mom running after kids with little quiet time.
I don’t have verses in my pockets right now, but every once in a while nature will strike me with a phenomenon that is spectacular. Not one beyond the comprehension of scientific principles, but a moment that speaks to my heart.
it’s not always something that comes naturally. But right now I have margins in my life. I have hours and minutes on the boundaries of my life just like a book has that blank creamy space for you to scribble. It’s a stark contrast to the days spent pouring over homework or procrastinating homework with made-up busy-ness.
So yes, the blog title is kind of misleading “Back to the Fervor” is not really the truth. My everyday life is much more relaxed than the vacation life (with the exception of reading all day in a beach chair. Nothing beats that). I was compelled to make a Back to the Future pun and now I’m attached to it.
Ok, nap time is over. Unfortunately, no nap for me. The work of a blogger is never done.
If you need me I’ll be vacuuming the beach sand that has leaked from my Jawaii suitcase.